My thoughts on Love Relationships in this blog..Call it a Love Radio Blog if you want..

Monday, June 16, 2008

Is letting her way be the right way all the time, the correct way?

I know I haven’t been putting pen to paper for a while now, primarily due to the combination of laziness, a busy lifestyle and the lack of ideas in the past few months. But is letting your other half have his/her way all the time the correct way? Would it then start to breed a familiar form of expectation, that she gets accustomed to having things her way almost all the time? Would that then make the relationship work? Or do you think it would be more important to educate her about giving in to you at times? Perhaps she might already be giving in to you on many occasions without your realization. Instead of you thinking that she’s getting her way all the time, she could be thinking the exact same way about you? Then, now what?

I think it is really crucial for a couple to discuss about such things, especially when friction and disagreements happen, giving rise to an appropriate time to bring up the topic and sort things out, to resolve it as soon as possible. This is in contrast to what many couples do; some choose to bottle it up, some choose to vent it all out. As we all know, communication is the most important bridge in a relationship. Silence is not communication, words of folly in a moment of anger aint communication either. My advice is to take a step back, instead of sprouting nonsense only to regret it later, take some time to let your emotions settle down, look at things from the other person’s point of view and think about the outcome you want. Having said that, refrain from being a soft-hearted Mr. Nice guy all the time. This door mat mentality would kill you over time. It might work out if you were happily married, but there’s a high chance that you would reach your expiry date before that walk down the red aisle comes along.

"When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen." ~Ernest Hemingway~

Thursday, January 17, 2008

I don't feel important anymore..

It's obvious. Everyone, anyone living for a purpose wants to feel important. Even if it is to a single person, it makes a world of difference. What's more if that person means the world to you, feeling important to that person is probably all that matters. If you ever have your other half complaining or voicing out their concerns that they don't feel as important anymore, perhaps its time to do a little more.

Most of us generally like to dismiss our other halfs as trying to inch their demands a tat too much, but there has always been a tendency for humans to start taking things for granted. Simple gestures of opening the door for your other half, that little surprise just to put a smile on his or her face, going the extra mile to make them comfortable when meeting your friends for the first time etc. The moment you slide into the comfort zone where you think the special things they do for you, is more of your entitlement rather than your privileges, you've probably embarked onto the forbidden path.

Truth is, it is human nature to reciprocate. While everyone likes to be on the receiving end, my advice is, "Give and you shall receive." That's how you can make the relationship work out that little bit better by having a two way-traffic. Point to note, human beings crave real feedback. If you have to wait til she asks, "Do you miss me? Am I important to you? How much?". Whatever answer you give would receive a counter reply, "Bluff!" or "I don't believe you." or "No sincerity. You have to wait til I ask." Bottomline is, even if we know we are important, we sometimes need that extra input from people to give us assurance. So, next time round you appreciate something someone or your other half has done for you, remember, show it. Make people feel important. All the time.

"No matter how busy you are, you must take time to make the other person feel important." ~Mary Kay Ash~

I know this is late but...

this post is damn late because i've been busy with stuff..
like hanging out with my gf, friends..and of course uni..

but oh well, since people are complaining that i haven't been updating,
here's to assure you all that i'm not dead and still living great!


Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Close Girl Friends are ok, Close Guy Friends are not?

Yes, back to business. Let's face the truth, have you never ever gotten jealous of the over zealous guy friends your other halves have? What “Measures” have you then undertaken to ensure you maintain “sovereignty” over your other half? Set an embargo on her guy friends, ensuring that even the close ones now become mere acquaintances to her? Is it then right to be overbearing and dominant to the extent that her male circle of friends drops from an impressive number of 100 to a single male population of 1? You.

I think it is important to distinguish close guy friends from the rest of the population possibly trying to get a piece of her IN your wildest imaginations. As soon as you understand the way girls think, I hope you would be able to set your mind at ease.

The Chasing Game works like this.

First Stage: Girl knows someone from the opposite sex.
Second Stage: Girl proceeds to know more about him.
Third Stage: Girl becomes friends with the guy.
Fourth Stage: Key turning point in the relationship. Girl makes an evaluation on whether both of them remain as friends and become closer friends, or decides that he could be a potential partner.
Fifth Stage: Things settle down. The girl sticks by her decision, because she can no longer see this close guy friend as a potential partner. (Assumption: She no longer carries a secret liking for the guy after she decides to be good friends with him.)

Rest assured, these close guy friends she has are going to remain that way. There is absolutely no threat because even if they wanted something more, more likely than not, your girl is only going to want things to remain they way it was. The way things used to be, the way they like that is in their comfort zone,the heavy inertia. Those of you out there who are still feeling insecure about the threat from her close guy friends, I urge you to quit feeling or acting in this manner. Because it only serves to emphasis your insecurity which would only put her off. At the end of the day, you are more likely to lose the very thing you were trying to protect in the first place. Protection is good, as long as it is in the right manner. Freedom to her demonstrates your self confidence which raises your attractiveness. Respect her freedom and she will love you for that.

"One important key to success is self-confidence." ~Arthur Ashe~

Monday, June 18, 2007

Your Fault or Her's?

So, what's new? Couple tiffs? Losing your temper with your other half and vice versa?
I was once tol that it is normal for couples to quarrel. Because at least that means that they still care alot for one another.

How then do we decide, what frequency is considered healthy? Is quarrelling on a daily basis considered healthy? Once a week? Or is it dependent on how well an individual can tolerant the frequency of quarrels?

Quarrelling on a daily basis is unlikely to be anything more than two possible scenarios. First up, one party must be getting angry too easily so much so that it results in he or she always in a one way traffic "losing my temper" mode. Second, one party must be an asshole, to be doing things that pisses the other party so very often. It could possibly be a combination of both, but i think its more likely that a relationship has either a person always in "Lose my temper" mode, or an asshole.

The best part about this whole thing is that both parties often thinks that the other party is guilty of the crime mentioned above. The asshole is likely to think that the other party is always in "Lose my temper" mode and likewise the person always in "Lose my temper" mode is likely to think that the other party is an asshole. There isnt exactly a guideline that says what constitutes an asshole and what doesnt. A general rule of thumb would probably be, if your friends tell you that, what your other half has done makes he or she an asshole, it probably means he or she probably is.

Perhaps by now, you are thinking, "Hey, I think my other half is often in a "Lose my temper" mode and I really don't know what was there to be angry about in the first place!

Scenario: You have genuinely inherited a time bomb, a daily one perhaps, waiting to lash out at you or waiting to lose his or her temper at the first possible instance. Its either because its a case of an individual with bad temper, or an individual who unconsciously enjoys the attention or coaxing he or she receives as a result from the temper outburst.

If your other half has a bad temper, it takes guts and tactfulness to inform he or she about this short coming and hopefully things work out.

If it is the attention or coaxing he or she enjoys, then I guess its the individual's choice to continue doing showering such treatment. Or put an end to it by stopping this special treatment and helping your other half realise their less than positive behaviour.

"Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody's power, that is not easy." ~Aristotle~

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