How often is enough, really?

Many couples can't stand being away from one another for more than a day, can't stand not hearing the other party's voice for more than an hour. Yet there are some who don't think twice about seeing one another just once a month or sending an sms just once a week..How often is enough, really?

There ain really any hard and fast rule that we have to live by, because ultimately it depends on the close proximity between both parties, and the expectations they carry with them when in the relationship. Some couples carry the opinion that there is no need to see each other so often, or call each other so often, while there are some who cant see each other enough even though they meet everyday.

Truth behold, if the relationship reaches a point where its just a random phone call or meeting because both of you happen to be free, where is the commitment really? What's more, doesnt that sound like what you would do with any friend? What difference does it really make? Most couples usually start off passionate and fiery, which easily motivates them to have the desire to see and hear their other half. So when the relationship stops getting passionate after a while, of which it is bound to happen, what do we do next? Stop calling, meet less? Or because of a commitment to maintain the relationship, both parties make a conscious effort to make time for one another. I'm not calling upon people to see each other everyday or call one another, but rather, seek a frequency which you feel is justifiable and helps the relationship grow. Guys, stop being less humourous from the time when you tried humouring your girl when you two first met..Girls, stop being less appreciate from the time when he first opened the door for you when you two first met..

Believe it or not, every couple would go through 3 stages + 1 optional stage in their relationship.

The passionate stage, where two cant keep your hands off one another, can't stop seeing one another, can't stop thinking of one another.

The storming stage, where the passion dies off and you start getting used to the usual routine of hanging out with him, hearing his voice and yes, taking him for granted..Same for the guys, it works both ways. Then it reaches a point when both of you decided whether to continue this mundane pattern, or to put in a conscious effort to spruce it up.

The stability stage, where the two of you decide to give more weight to the relationship and make it work for the long term. Jumping from relationships to relationships could be thrilling intitally, but after a while, we develop a stone heart and start losing faith in relationships. Which is why reaching the stability stage is of utmost importance. That is if you decide that in the long run, you do intend to get married and settle down.

Of course, the final optional stage is the break up stage. At any point in time if you think the relationship is not gonna work, and having put in enough effort to try and make it work, drop it. Quit wasting your time, the other party's time and move on. Its not anyone's fault, but the pieces probably don't fit.

How often to communicate, how often you choose to see your other half, really depends on you. What you want from the relationship..If you still cant bear not to see your other half almost everyday more than a year from your relationship? Good on you. If its only been a month and you are starting to tire out, I suggest that you either try to reignite the fire within the both of you, or quit wasting time..

"The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished."
~George Bernard Shaw~

Tell her I don't love her even though, deep inside I really do..

Are you someone who's like to communicate messages across to your partner silently? This could sometimes lead to condusion and frustration as the other party does not know where you are coming from..The importance of good communcation cannot be stressed enough..Think again.

I have a story to tell...

It had been raining for more than a week, so much rain it made everyday seemed so restless and gloomy. She called and said she was coming up. It was the third time she came up to see me that week. I carried her excuse of why she came all the way here and went to meet her at the nearby seven-eleven. She was standing there alone, carrying her red umbrella. Her friend had dropped her off. It was raining and she was shivering. She looked weak and fragile in the harsh rain, wearing not enough to keep her warm.
I walked up to her and said, "You shouldn't come see me anymore," and stuff like how we shouldn't be together.

She said, "I miss you."

I told her coldly, "Lets go, I'll take you home."

She did not open up her umbrella, I knew she wanted to share mine.

I said, "Open up your umbrella, let's go."

Unwillingly, She opened up her umbrella and walked with me to the car. She said she hadn't eat lunch or dinner and asked if we could stop at some place to eat.

Right away I answered with a stoned heart, "No!"

Disappointed, she asked me to take her to the train station, she said she would take the train back home.

Maybe it was the rain, all the trains were full of people with umbrellas and suit cases who were eager to get home, not caring about who just passed by. We waited and waited, she looked at me innocently. Being together for so long, of course I knew what she meant. I understand how she must feel when she came all this way here in this kind of weather and I treat her like this. With her soft eyes staring at me, I felt guilt and wanted to let her stay for the night.

But reality struck again, I said to her coldly, "Let's go try the other train station."

We were walking along the side of the road. She was in front of me and I was right behind her. Her umbrella had a broken spoke. She looked liked a wounded soldier, carrying her rusted rifle walking weakly. Many times, she was too into thinking or whatever she was doing, drifting off the road, she almost got hit by the cars passing by. I wanted to just take her in my arms, but with the love I had for her and the constant pain in my stomach, I did nothing. On the way, we passed by the park where we use to always go.

She begged and said, "Lets go in the park just for a little while please, I promise I'll go home right after this."

With her begging, my cold heart softened, but I still put up an annoyed face and walked in the park. I was just sitting on the benches looking like I wanted to leave. She went to the big oak tree and she was looking for something. I knew she was looking for what we wrote on that tree with a silver ink pen half a year ago. If I remember it right, it said, "Chris and Susan was here, Chris had tea and Susan was drinking hot chocolate. Hope Chris and Susan would always remember this day, always loving each other, forever." She was looking around for quite a while, then she came back slowly with tears on her face.

She said, "Chris, I can't find it, it's not there anymore."

I felt so sour inside, there was a stream of pain, flowing into my heart, the kind of pain I've never felt before. But all I could do was pretend I didn't care, and said, "Can we go now?"

I opened up my big black umbrella, she was just standing there, didn't want to leave yet, hoping there was still a chance. She said, "You made up the story of you and that other girl didn't you? I know I frustrate you sometimes, but I'll change, can't we start over?"

I didn't say a word, just looked down and shook my head. After that we just kept on walking towards the train station, didn't say a word to each other.

Four years ago, the doctor said I had cancer, but it was found early, so it was still curable. Thinking that it was okay, I started living my normal life again, and even forgot about the cancer. I didn't think about the cancer again and did not go back to the doctor. Until a month ago, my stomach was hurting for two weeks straight, and the nightmare awakened me again. First I thought the pain wouldl go away, but it grew stronger until to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I went back to the doctor and took an X-ray. The picture came out and there was a big black spot, which proved the truth that I did not want to believe. I was at the most glittering part of my life, but it was coming to an end. I wanted myself and the people around me to go through the least pain possible, so I decided to commit suicide.

But I couldn't let people find out about my intentions, especially Susan, the person I love the most in this whole world, who still doesn't know about the truth. Susan was still young, she shouldn't have to go through this. So I made up some stories and lied to her. It was a cruel thing to do, and it broke her heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years's feelings. I didn't have much time, because I would soon start to loose hair and she would find out eventually. But now I'm close to succeeding, this drama would soon be over. Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end, that was what I had in mind.

The train had stopped running so I called a taxi for her. We were just standing there, waiting, loosing our last moments in silence.

I saw the taxi from far away, I held my tears and said to her, "Take care of yourself, take good care of yourself."

She didn't talk, just nodded lightly, and then opened up her misshaped umbrella and stepped out on the street. Finally I couldn't hold my sorrow and the twist in my heart any longer, waving my arms rapidly chasing after the taxi, because I knew, this would be the last time I see her.

I wanted to tell her I still love her, I wanted to tell her to stay, I wanted to tell her so much, but the taxi had already turned in the corner. Warm tears kept falling down my face, blended with the cold rain drops. I was cold, not because of the rain. I was cold inside.

She left, and I didn't get anymore of her phone calls even until today. I know she didn't see my tears, because they were washed away by the rain. I left without regrets. But I'm not Chris, I'm that girl Susan, using my memory, and his diary I found after one year since he left, writing down these last words.

There's no definition to relationships

Its been ages since I last updated this thing..Recently, there was this guy in my school from one of my classes, asking me about how he can get a girl successfully..It brought me back to the question on whether are there anything specific we could do to win the girl's heart..

There is no magical way, but perhaps a few general styles, just like in sports, different people with different playing styles can still deliver when it happens. Let me reiterate, the essence of it is to BE YOURSELF. When you have nothing to hide, you will give a genuine feelin to those around you and that works like a charm. Then again, if you feel that you don't exactly have the character that is labelled under "Nice Guy", don't worry, you don't have to.

Guys should thank our lucky stars that girls really don't prioritize looks at much as guys do. Of course character plays a part still for guys, but for the girls, its more than juz looks that they look for..I have talked all these stuff previously in more detail already, so if he happens to come across this, maybe he can back date his reading..

One more thing, ever wondered how people always have this ideal personality traits or physical attributes that they look out for when getting a partner? Yet almost everytime, the partner you see that they have is almost the complete opposite.. Morale of the lesson? All these things ain exactly the criteria for someone to like you, but rather its the feeling that you give them. The kind of feeling,which the girl subconsciously is attracted to..For example, sense of security, making her feel comfortable and at ease when she's with you, of course, being able to communicate well with her and conduct a decent conversation..Those are the minimum requirements in my opinion, but my point is, there is no hard and fast rule to all these kind of stuff..

That's the thing about relationships, there's no guideline and many things happen for no reason, no explaination..I learnt that my logical mind doesnt work all the time in these scenario, as someone close to me has demonstrated that to me. Helped me discover something of such importance..Yes,I've improved as a person..=)